The past two months for me have been exhausting, I shouldn’t be this tired at 28 years old. I should be out being social and happy and shiny and bright, but instead I am sitting at home planning another doctors visit, and wondering what blood tests they will have in store for me. I am luckier than most, my diseases don’t make me hurt, and for that I am grateful, and I just have to keep reminding myself of that. I just have auto-immune diseases, my body is trying to destroy my thyroid, and I have celiacs disease, and apparently now it’s trying to destroy my cells that create insulin for my body. I have blood tests almost every week, and I had an MRI done yesterday which proved to be added stress I didn’t actually need because it only revealed a microadenoma on my pituitary gland that they weren’t sure if it was really a microadenoma or just cell cell debris because it was so damn small, but because they are doctors they err on the side of caution and so I will have another MRI in 6 months to a year. Why am I telling you all this? Because I need to get it out, I need to bitch and moan and be weak for just one day, I need to not be ok with everything that’s happening for a minute and I need to feel sad because I am so tired of being wonder woman and going through my every day trying to do it all with a smile. I hate that any of this is happening, I hate that I had to give up all my favorite foods, and sugar, and I am so fucking tired of salads I could scream. I just want to be healthy, I want to stop feeling guilty because I feel like I am robbing my husband of a chance to have a happy healthy wife, I want to be the healthy daughter my parents hoped for, I want to be the friend who isn’t always tired and sad on the inside. I want to remember what its like going through an entire day with out having something to cry about. Today I am not ok, and I am not sorry for that, because tomorrow I will be fine again, but today is my day too feel sorry for myself and to feel angry that I am sick, and to be tired of being tired.
Credits:
My comfy sofa bed that makes me feel slightly better: L&K – Spring evening sofa bed (PG) – Available at The Designers Warehouse
Accent Chair: Zigana -Cupped chair . tulip – FLF
Chalk Board: {vespertine- daily chalkboard/ today version} FLF
Lamp: [*Art Dummy!] vain. (lamp)
Clothes: Top – Mon Tissu – Bottoms – Maitreya
Hair: Lamb- Blue Velvet
House: The Domineaux Effect – The Old Orchard Cottage (resizeable)
Maybe May 
May 3, 2013 at 7:41 pm
Admitting you’re tired, admitting you’re sick of it all, admitting that there are days you just cry- those aren’t signs of weakness. I’ve come to learn that they’re signs of strength. You know that you have the strength to keep going after one of Those Days. You have faith. Faith that you will get up tomorrow, and you will do what you need to do. So never call yourself weak for admitting you’re down. You’re strong for being honest, and for talking about it.
*hugs, May*
May 3, 2013 at 7:59 pm
You’re simply wonderful Ada!
❤