Maybe May

For the love of shopping


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Disaster

Conflict

 

Disaster

Your hands to my hips cause aches,

Your tongue to my lips, ruin,

Your skin against mine, death.

The problem is, even in your absence

I am at war with myself, with you, with life.

I am a fucked up beautiful thing that will destroy you

Even if I don’t want too, even if I try desperately not too.

I, I am a disaster always happening.

 

Credits:

Chair: Kuro – Lodge Armchair – Red

Top: [Deadwool] Gingham shirt  (female) – pale pink

Pants: coldLogic jeggings – seyfried.black

Boots: Maitreya Stagioni Boots

Hair – Lamb – Blue velvet

Glasses – Sleepy Eddy – Boston

Skin – PF Harley

Nails – {Wicked} Peach – GLITTER! (I am ALWAYS wearing wicked peach nails, ALWAYS!)

 


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I’m Tired

I'm Tired

The past two months for me have been exhausting, I shouldn’t be this tired at 28 years old. I should be out being social and happy and shiny and bright, but instead I am sitting at home planning another doctors visit, and wondering what blood tests they will have in store for me. I am luckier than most, my diseases don’t make me hurt, and for that I am grateful, and I just have to keep reminding myself of that. I just have auto-immune diseases, my body is trying to destroy my thyroid, and I have celiacs disease, and apparently now it’s trying to destroy my cells that create insulin for my body. I have blood tests almost every week, and I had an MRI done yesterday which proved to be added stress I didn’t actually need because it only revealed a microadenoma on my pituitary gland that they weren’t sure if it was really a microadenoma or just cell cell debris because it was so damn small, but because they are doctors they err on the side of caution and so I will have another MRI in 6 months to a year. Why am I telling you all this? Because I need to get it out, I need to bitch and moan and be weak for just one day, I need to not be ok with everything that’s happening for a minute  and I need to feel sad because I am so tired of being wonder woman and going through my every day trying to do it all with a smile. I hate that any of this is happening, I hate that I had to give up all my favorite foods, and sugar, and I am so fucking tired of salads I could scream. I just want to be healthy, I want to stop feeling guilty because I feel like I am robbing my husband of a chance to have a happy healthy wife, I want to be the healthy daughter my parents hoped for, I want to be the friend who isn’t always tired and sad on the inside. I want to remember what its like going through an entire day with out having something to cry about. Today I am not ok, and I am not sorry for that, because tomorrow I will be fine again, but today is my day too feel sorry for myself and to feel angry that I am sick, and to be tired of being tired.

Credits:

My comfy sofa bed that makes me feel slightly better: L&K – Spring evening sofa bed (PG) – Available at The Designers Warehouse 

Accent Chair: Zigana -Cupped chair . tulip – FLF

Chalk Board: {vespertine- daily chalkboard/ today version} FLF

Lamp: [*Art Dummy!] vain. (lamp)

Clothes: Top – Mon Tissu – Bottoms – Maitreya

Hair: Lamb- Blue Velvet

House: The Domineaux Effect – The Old Orchard Cottage (resizeable)


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I Dwell Within

I Have Peace Within I Dwell Within

I am a Quinoa eating, yago doing, stretchy pant wearing pacifist so I would like to share with you some wonderful things I do every morning to set the tone for a beautiful day.

Stretch as soon as you get out of bed, your body will thank you.

Say all the things you are grateful for, out loud, just what ever happens to pop into your head, it could be one thing or twenty.

Drink a full glass of water before you take your shower, it will help lower blood pressure.

Take a deep and mindful breath before leaving your house for the day, or before you venture on to start your day.

“Lokah samastha sukhino bhavanthu.”

Credits:

House: L&K – Blue bungalow *Side note* She really makes houses that make me feel insanely zen, there is always a nice tranquility about them.

Art: Breno-Checkmate ( I want this in my RL house)

Top: (CM) Graphic Sweaters (anchor) (Fameshed)

Pants: Maitreya Stefani Pants * Midnight

Yoga Mat: Cheeky pea (I purchased this AGES ago, I have no idea if it’s still there)

Work out set: Pilot

Swing: Cheeky Pea

Potted flower: Floorplan

Welcome Mat: Sawys (FEEL BETTER SOON SWAY! ♥)

Hair: Clawtooth – Take on me