Your arms encircle me, ensnare me like a storming sea, your hands like the waves grab at me, wearing away my stone like resolve to not let this happen. I hate it, I want it, I hate that I want it and I try to resist it, but you are a typhoon whose course is set crash into me and unearth my planted feet, tearing me away from reality and thrusting me into this other-worldliness where nothing exist but you and I… you… and I…
“Riffraff, street rat I don’t buy that If only they’d look closer Would they see a poor boy? No, siree They’d find out There’s so much more to me”
Pardon me while I have a rant blog today, it will probably make no sense, and change direction on a dime.
I think there are a lot of circumstances in my life that cause me to feel like people to look at me like a pariah, like I am something less than. I’m not perfect in any way, I’m not a classic beauty, I’m not the picture of perfect health, I’m not the most successful person in the world, hell, I even miss laundry day some times… I mean there are so many things that I don’t do right, I even let myself down a lot. But what really hurts is that in my real life, other than my immediate household, people don’t see ME, people don’t give me the time of day. Hearing someone whisper to another “Shes an odd one” makes me want to scream at them that I am actually kind of amazing, I would -despite their rudeness- give them the shirt off my back if they needed it, even to my own detriment, I would give my last breathe to a friend if it meant they could live, I love deeper and harder than should humanly be allowed. And yet some how, this has made me “Odd”, being some one who wants nothing more than for everyones life to be filled with beauty and love. People are so quick to judge because they see ONE thing they don’t like and they let that ONE thing define an entire being. How can they not see that we are so much more, that if they only took the time to sit and talk they would find a bit of themselves in us.
I may not be perfect, I may have a lot of chips and cracks, but I am worth a deeper look, I am worth loving.
Credits:
Outfit: .:Wimey:. Captive Princess (Royal Purple) @ The Fantasy Collective
Shoes: fri. – Lizzie.Slippers (Red) @ The Seraphim Social
I haven’t really written a whole lot since my break, I guess I am just not really sure what to say yet. I feel like if I did say anything it would just be sad, or emo in general and really those kinds of thoughts are my burden to bare, not yours. But things are looking up, really, and that’s good. I am starting to smile and laugh and be moved by things, I am finding beauty in sadness instead of just more sadness. I am finding purpose in my struggles and where others have given up I keep forging on. There are times when I do feel my self slipping a little but my friends, my amazing, loving, ass kicking friends have been there to take my hands and pull me up before I fall completely. I am glad to be blogging again, I didn’t get much of a chance to blog when I as running my store and I’ve missed it, my old familiar friend. I’ve missed celebrating the beauty of imagination from all the wonderful artists around me. I promise to start writing properly again soon, not just posting songs to speak for me, but I hope you will be patient with me until then.
Love, Adaline
Credits:
Headband: .Enfant Terrible. Forest Flowers RED @Enchantment. The items will be only available through February as an exclusive release to the event and not be resold after.
I cared so deeply that I started falling, falling away from the things that I hold dear, falling away from myself, and my innocence. I thought foolishly that you would catch me, care for me, and cherish who I was enough to place me back into my tower to preserve me. But I see now that it is hard for others to value me and who I am If do not value myself enough to uphold the integrity of my own soul. I am a broken girl, with fragments scattered so far and wide that the task of putting myself together seems all too impossible, the vessel that shields my soul is shattered and so I am exposed. Their self-serving fingers tear into the fleshy parts of my spirit and touch the places once guarded, but I let them, hoping they would stop me from letting them, but they continued, because I let them, because I let them, because I let them. And so, I am fallen.
